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Wooden platforms housing the collective words
Of authors past and present tense,
From which I drew shelter in pubescent days,
Back when escaping life was just a turn of the page,
I would pass the time in naïve haze,
Filling my mind with the white lies
That writers call device.

I drank deep from this well of thoughts,
Getting drunk on the heavy draughts
Taking in the pathos notions
From those that would describe a puddle
When it's an ocean
And, yet,
They stuck in me,
Those written hollow truths.

Ideas like,
Duty, Honor, Glory,
Consumed my mind
And in search of these,
I left home to find—
Leaving behind those paper portals
To gather dust in an empty room,
Where there are none to exhume
Such dangerous ideals.

War taught me uncertainty,
Where chaos moves too fast to see
And life is but a privilege
Bestowed by a corpse's eyes,
Oh, how I long for those comforting lies!
For the book shelf contest here: [link]

Any glaringly obvious grammatical issues?
Does it invoke emotion well?
Where could it stand to use some improvement?
Anything else?

Nice use of vocabulary, wording, ect. although the first line is a little bit confusing. I like how you tied in the last line with the title, and the message that you convey in the poem, too. Also, the occasional rhyme is also nice. I enjoyed that it was told sort of like a story, or that's how I saw it, and that you kept with the original meaning, not really straying too far away from the message that you began to tell in the first stanza. I don't see any spelling or grammar errors, and I like the creativity used in the writing.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

I really enjoyed this piece firstly. The main reason was its ability to convey the effect of a good book on one's feelings, sensibilities, and for some even moralities - the effect only a masterful storyteller can evoke.
Secondly, the piece did an amazing job of tying in the ideals those universes create to the constant clash that comes when those ideals don't assimilate with reality as intended/imagined.
Finally the piece concludes by perfectly conveying a reality/ideals clash. With a scenario that teaches the subject his reality in an unbridled awakening - with profound effect - as life teaches us all at some point in our own lives.

What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

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Sarrain Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2012
I really enjoyed reading this poem. To me the first stanza is what stuck out the most in this poem. I read it over 4 times! :)
FireFoxGrl Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very nicely done, it was a pleasure to read! :)
slyfry Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012
Thank you.
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Submitted on
August 9, 2012
File Size
1.1 KB


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